For an unknown reason, I am in the state of euphoria since this morning even though I lack sleep. I only slept three hours. Normally, I would get grumpy when I don't have enough rest and sleep. But today is different. Suddenly I feel so positive about things. I am so light-hearted. It is as if nothing could spoil my day. Not even the unpredictable weather, the martial law and the depressing news. I hope this feeling will bring me good luck for days to come.
In the middle of this euphoria, I am telling myself when will it end? I am scared of too much happiness. I don't know why do I feel this way. It sounds crazy. All human being wants happiness. When I am very happy I try to control it because I feel something bad will happen after that.
It started when I was in elementary. My classmates were playing while I on the other hand would just sit down in a corner trying not to make myself happy because if I do, the moment I got home, for sure I would hear bad news or my mother or my father would scold me. Well, scolding for me is a very bad news.
I know it's not a good way of thinking. It has no basis at all. This fear just sprang up from my innocent young mind. And sadly up to now, I can't still get over it.