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I filed a three-day vacation leave from work. I am feverish with excitement for the coming holidays. Not only because my siblings are coming home but another member of the family is about to come anytime from now. My sister Uvy is going to give birth to her first baby and today she did not report for work. The way I look at her, she is getting heavy day by day. I know how difficult it is for mothers to carry such a burden for nine months. It is like carrying a baggage 24/7 without the opportunity to put it down. Oh my, the joy and difficulty of motherhood. I have not experienced it yet but my two sisters did. I am worried on the other hand. I feel a knot in my stomach that won't go away no matter how much I try to push it out of my thoughts.

Yesterday, as I am watching my sister, I want to come to her and hug her but I did not do so. I am afraid that she will see my tears. My mind went back to the time when she was seven years old sitting on a chair very much engrossed with her coloring book painstakingly coloring the drawings on every page. And now, she is already a fully grown woman about to give birth to her first baby. At the back of my mind I was wishing that she had not married yet and that we will finish law school together. But well, our fate is not the same. She has ventured into another road and I also took my own journey. Oh God, how much I wanted to cry. I want to see my siblings; to hug and kiss them as the wave of loneliness touched the shore of my heart. This is always the pain that an eldest child has to bear. I may look strong in front of them but deep inside me I am crying. If only we could be together forever; but I know I am wishing for the impossible as they have their own lives to lead. This is the sad truth that I have to live with.

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