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Well, well, well, it's been eon since the last time I was here.  I am taking the liberty of writing something again.

Last night, I was devastated by the news of my boss' sister-in-law's death.  It seems surreal. It was only a week ago that we were talking about her chemotherapy session as she was diagnosed of stage 4 breast cancer.   I feel for my boss because she tried everything to save her but to no avail.  This made me think again of the fragility of life.  We  can be taken away in just a blink of an eye, whether we are prepared or not.  This made me ponder about one thing that I regret most up to this very moment.  

Let me take you back to the time when I was this selfish teen.  I have this very loving grandmother whose only fault is to love me unconditionally; despite the fact that I don't mind her.  She loved running her fingers through my hair.  Sometimes, she would love to have me put my head on her lap.  However, I cannot appreciate these small gestures of love that she showered on me because I was too preoccupied with myself. 

  I forgot that there were people around me who love me.  I was a despicable, selfish bitch. I never realized that life was about to give me the most painful lesson I would ever have.

A few days after my graduation in high school, she went to Arakan to visit my uncle's family. After a few days, my cousin told me that she got sick and because of complications, never recovered again.  When she got home, she was no longer the vibrant woman I used to know.   She could not even say a word.  It was only her eyes that told me she still recognize me.  I talked to her to say how sorry I am for my behavior.  She struggled to open her mouth but no words would come out.  I realized the time that I wasted ignoring her.  If only I could turn back time.  I would do everything just to have her back so I can requite all the love she has given me  but I already forfeited my chance.  I tried to whisper to her ear that I love her.  Did she hear me?  I don't have a way of knowing because I only got  blank stare.  All I know is the feeling of regret seeping through every fiber of my being and gradually killing me.    I learned my lesson in a hard way.

Fast forward to present day,  I still feel the same way.  I am still longing to have her back.  Even in my dreams, my subconscious is shouting my desire to hug and kiss her.  If only I could turn back time, I would be the sweetest granddaughter she would ever had.  I would requite all the kindness and love she had given me but sadly, I will never have her again.
   
From that experience I had learned to seize every moment to let the people I care about know  that I love them, especially my parents and my siblings.  I hug and kiss them to show them how much I love and care for them; hoping that those small gestures of love would one day become their most cherished moment. 



    

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