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I am lying in bed thinking of things to do tonight but nothing will come to my mind.  My brain still numbs from the exam I had earlier.  I was bombarded with objective questions that I did not imagine my professor would ask.  Well anyway, I should have known better that anything goes when it comes to stuff like that.  I have to do better next time.  

Anyhow, I am thinking of having a movie marathon for some relaxation since I do not have an exam tomorrow.  But hey, before that, I still have to purchase some alejandra guzman tickets and calibash tickets and oh, rodrigo ygabriela tickets too!  This is not for me but for my friends, I am just doing it as a favor. 

I am a person who desires to learn new stuff to make my mind always busy.  This is because my teacher in high school once told me; an idle mind is the devil’s playground. 

There are a lot of things that I want to learn ; how to bake, sew, play the piano and a lot more.  I envy ( of the seven deadly sisters who know how to use the sewing machine.  It is really my dream to make my own quilt.  I attempted to do it but when I accidentally sewed my finger, I gave up.  Maybe sewing is not for me.  My mind fantasized cross stitching too but because I get caught up with my work and my studies most of the time, it has to take a backseat for a while.  I sometimes envy (again!)  my sisters.   Why do they know a lot of craft, while the only thing I know is hold a book, sit in a corner and read or sometimes solve puzzles.  I cannot even sew my own pillow case.  I have to wait for my sister to do it for me.  I know how to cook but I am not what you consider an expert in the kitchen.  My ability to cook is somewhat mediocre. Don't worry though, I assure you, the dishes I prepare are edible.

I even tried to ride a motorcycle when I was seven under my father's tutelage but it was so long ago and I already forgot everything about it.  I also want to learn how to hold and shot a gun.  It is not because I want to kill people.  It is  for self-defense just in case I need it someday.  There is nothing wrong with being prepared for anything.  We do not know what lies ahead in the next bend.
 As for my latest adventure, it is learning the French language.  It is really a challenge.  I bought a French dictionary for this purpose.  I know few words and phrases but too bad, I do not know how to construct sentences.  My best friend cannot teach me for now as he is busy with his job.  I am trying to familiarize myself with two words a day.  I am learning  them step by step.  And that is where it ends as I do not know how to write and construct sentences from those words I learned.  I wish I was born a French because I really love the language (maybe I was one in my previous life.)

So I guess this is all for now.  Au revoir mes amis!

     It's been three weeks that I didn't experience weekends, wow! Everyday feels like weekdays. I am always on the go. And well today is really a manic Monday! I woke up very early for my scheduled reading time, no time should be wasted for a working student like me. I was tired to the bones but I have no choice but to leave my bed.

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my fun day
My I don't have to run day
It's just another manic Monday.

     This song of The Bangles is what running through my mind while I was on my way to work. A bad omen because when I arrived at the office, a pile of other people's work was on my table waiting for my attention. Whew! As usual, I have to do it since I don't have a choice. If not for my boss, I would let their papers rot to hell so they would learn to do their job. I do not know where they put their sense of responsibility. Even as simple as drafting an order, they can't do it on their own. I want to help but it is a different thing when I am left on my own to do a job that is not supposed to be mine! By golly, when are they going to change their attitude? Yes, I learn something from doing it but this is too much.

      Okay since I don't have a choice, I have to do it (again). Meanwhile, my articles and reviews would have to take a backseat to give way to a “little charity”. I just hope I will gain something from sacrificing for these dumb, lazy and irresponsible people!And oh, I hate Mondays!
Well, well, well, it's been eon since the last time I was here.  I am taking the liberty of writing something again.

Last night, I was devastated by the news of my boss' sister-in-law's death.  It seems surreal. It was only a week ago that we were talking about her chemotherapy session as she was diagnosed of stage 4 breast cancer.   I feel for my boss because she tried everything to save her but to no avail.  This made me think again of the fragility of life.  We  can be taken away in just a blink of an eye, whether we are prepared or not.  This made me ponder about one thing that I regret most up to this very moment.  

Let me take you back to the time when I was this selfish teen.  I have this very loving grandmother whose only fault is to love me unconditionally; despite the fact that I don't mind her.  She loved running her fingers through my hair.  Sometimes, she would love to have me put my head on her lap.  However, I cannot appreciate these small gestures of love that she showered on me because I was too preoccupied with myself. 

  I forgot that there were people around me who love me.  I was a despicable, selfish bitch. I never realized that life was about to give me the most painful lesson I would ever have.

A few days after my graduation in high school, she went to Arakan to visit my uncle's family. After a few days, my cousin told me that she got sick and because of complications, never recovered again.  When she got home, she was no longer the vibrant woman I used to know.   She could not even say a word.  It was only her eyes that told me she still recognize me.  I talked to her to say how sorry I am for my behavior.  She struggled to open her mouth but no words would come out.  I realized the time that I wasted ignoring her.  If only I could turn back time.  I would do everything just to have her back so I can requite all the love she has given me  but I already forfeited my chance.  I tried to whisper to her ear that I love her.  Did she hear me?  I don't have a way of knowing because I only got  blank stare.  All I know is the feeling of regret seeping through every fiber of my being and gradually killing me.    I learned my lesson in a hard way.

Fast forward to present day,  I still feel the same way.  I am still longing to have her back.  Even in my dreams, my subconscious is shouting my desire to hug and kiss her.  If only I could turn back time, I would be the sweetest granddaughter she would ever had.  I would requite all the kindness and love she had given me but sadly, I will never have her again.
From that experience I had learned to seize every moment to let the people I care about know  that I love them, especially my parents and my siblings.  I hug and kiss them to show them how much I love and care for them; hoping that those small gestures of love would one day become their most cherished moment.